Does she matter?

Auditory hallucinations, delusions of the mind.
Although grandiose, my thoughts
Cannot digest the feelings wide.
They say contraceptives work,
Yet the warmth is ideal.
Where does the pleasure come from?
Yet me alone, without them, and I'm talking about women,
The direct illusion, visualizes the thought
that I'd rather be by myself.
There goes that delusion,
Pounding sounds inside my mind.
The illusion of women, so out of grasp.
Yet their compulsions abbreviate,
either here, or I make the first step,
Just the camoflaging.
How it becomes: